Wade Named Most Handsome at NBA All-Star Game

Los Angeles Lakers guard Kobe Bryant took home the MVP trophy at the NBA All-Star Game on Sunday, but he lost out to Miami Heat star Dwyane Wade for the Most Handsome Player award. Wade edged out Bryant and Oklahoma City point guard Russell Westbrook for the honor, which was determined by a poll of the all-star players from the Eastern and Western Conferences.

"It's a true honor to be named most handsome at this year's All-Star Game," said Wade. "To know that the vote comes from my fellow all-stars is truly humbling." Fellow Eastern Conference all-star Ray Allen, who matches up against Wade when the Boston Celtics face the Heat, says Wade's looks can often be distracting during a game. "First of all, Dwyane's a great player who can drive to the basket or beat you from the outside," explains Allen. "Combine that with his devilishly handsome good looks, and he's very tough to guard. You try looking into his piercing brown eyes while trying to stop him from scoring. It's hard. Really hard."

Wade's Heat teammate LeBron James concurs. "One of the main reasons I signed with Miami was not just the attractiveness of playing with Dwyane, but the attractiveness of Dwyane himself," notes James. "I mean he's got a killer face and a stellar body. He's easy on the eyes, both in the locker room and on the court. We didn't have anybody who looked that good in Cleveland, except for maybe Wally Szczerbiak in the short time he played there. But Wally didn't have the overall charm of Dwyane."

Wade also has a good chance to win the 2010-11 season's Most Handsome Player award, but will have a tougher task going against the entirety of the NBA. In addition to Bryant and Westbrook, such players as the Chicago Bulls' Kyle Korver and the Orlando Magic's Gilbert Arenas are expected to give Wade a run for his money.

Former MLB Managers Form Punk Band

Bobby Cox, who recently retired as manager of the Atlanta Braves, has revealed that he has formed a punk band with fellow former Major League Baseball managers Joe Torre, Lou Piniella and Cito Gaston. The band, called Cox & Balls, features Cox on vocals, Torre on guitar, Piniella on drums and Gaston on bass. "This has been a dream of mine for years," says Cox. "It all dates back to seeing the Ramones play CBGB back in '77 when I was a first base coach on the Yankees."

With all four managers leaving baseball this year, Cox jumped on the opportunity to finally pursue his dream. "It's not every day that you get a chance to play with musicians like these," explains Cox in a statement. "Torre is a freak on the axe; Piniella's an awesome stickman; and Gaston handles the low end like a champ. Mark my words: Cox & Balls are gonna be a force to be reckoned with on the punk scene."

The group recently hit an Atlanta studio to begin recording its debut album, Kickin' Dirt. "We already have three songs in the can," says Torre. "We're hoping to drop the disc in the spring. We're looking at a tune called 'Dump the Ump' as a possible first single." Cox & Balls reportedly are in talks with Epitaph Records for a three-album deal. In the meantime, the band has already signed on to play a series of gigs on the 2011 Vans Warped Tour. "I can't wait until fans see Cox & Balls perform live," exclaims Piniella. "We're gonna blow up the stage."

Proposed Deal by Radio Caller Leads to Trade

As soon as the San Francisco Giants defeated the Texas Rangers on Monday night to win the World Series, attention turned to Major League Baseball's Hot Stove League. And the first big move of the offseason came thanks to Dominic in Staten Island, who called WFAN's Mike'd Up host Mike Francesa on Tuesday to propose a theoretical trade that would later turn into a done deal.

Dominic suggested that the New York Mets trade second baseman Luis Castillo and pitcher Oliver Perez to the New York Yankees for pitcher A.J. Burnett. "Listen Mike, don't cut me off. I got a deal that sounds crazy but makes sense," Dominic told Francesa over the air. "These guys all need a change of scenery. The Mets get rid of their two biggest problems and the Yankees unload a long-term contract. If Burnett ever gets his head on straight, he can be a force in Citi Field." Francesa replied, "You gotta be kidding me," and cut Dominic off. Little did the radio personality know that new Mets General Manager Sandy Alderson was listening.

"As soon as I heard Dominic in Staten Island's proposal, I got [Yankees GM] Brian Cashman on the phone," reveals Alderson. "Within an hour the deal was done. We are happy to have A.J. Burnett on the Mets and look forward to him making a big contribution to our 2011 team and beyond."

Cashman concurred that the deal made good sense for both teams. "Dominic in Staten Island hit the nail right on the head. We hope Castillo and Perez can contribute, but we also get two expiring contracts that free us up for a big free agent signing for 2012. It's a win-win for us."

Debate To Determine NLCS Game 1

Game 1 of the National League Championship Series will now be determined by a debate between the teams' respective aces, San Francisco Giants fireballer Tim Lincecum and Philadelphia Phillies workhorse Roy Halladay. In lieu of an actual game, the two pitchers will compete in a head-to-head discussion moderated by sportscaster Bob Costas.

"With these two pitchers taking the ball, we figured the game would likely end up in a 0-0 tie," explains Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig. "Why not make it a little more interesting by making this a contest of wits?" The three-hour debate will break down into five categories: throwing motion, grip, pitch location, the economy and health care.

"Whatever, man. I'm down for anything," says Lincecum. "I mean I could talk about anything on any given day. My mind is working on eight days rest, so I should be fine." Halladay, meanwhile, is taking a more businesslike approach toward the debate. "I have a pretty good grasp on throwing motion, pitch location and health care, but I really have to study up on grip and the economy."

The debate, which will take place Saturday at 8 p.m. on the pitcher's mound in Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia, will be televised live on TBS and CNN. Tickets for Game 1 will be honored at the ballpark.

America Fails To Notice Opening of NHL Season

The United States has admitted that it failed to acknowledge this past Thursday's opening of the 2010-11 National Hockey League season. President Obama has offered an apology to the NHL, saying he was caught up in a Chicago Bulls preseason game that night.

"I'm a little concerned about the Carlos Boozer injury," explained Obama, "and I wanted to see how Derrick Rose would distribute the ball. Honestly, I had no idea the hockey season had started." When asked whether he would make up for the oversight by catching this Monday's Chicago Blackhawks game against the Buffalo Sabres, the president referred to his limited TV schedule. "Listen, I'd love to watch the Blackhawks skate and check and whatever else they do, but Monday's a tough night for me. I've got that Event show on NBC with Blair Underwood basically playing me. Plus Michelle and I like to tune in to Dancing With the Stars periodically throughout the night."

Other Americans cited various reasons when asked why they failed to notice the launch of the NHL season. "I have no idea what you're talking about," said Charlotte Van Peltson of Santa Fe, New Mexico. "I had to make dinner for my boys that night." Meanwhile, George Luttle of Des Moines, Iowa, said, "Dude, I've been out of work for six months. Unless this so-called NHL can offer me a construction job, then I could care less about it."

Even NHL commissioner Gary Bettman admitted he was otherwise preoccupied Thursday. "Wow, now that you mention it, I was locked into Game 2 of the Yankees-Twins division series," confessed Bettman. "I'll definitely try to catch a game or two next week."

Vikings Reacquire Moss To Sell Leftover Jerseys

The Minnesota Vikings reacquired Randy Moss from the New England Patriots on Wednesday in an effort to unload 50,000 leftover jerseys from the veteran wide receiver's 1998-2004 stint on the team.

"We were deep in the red on those Randy Moss jerseys," says Vikings' Chief Marketing Officer Steve LaCroix. "Forget about our initial production expenses. That 15-foot by 25-foot room at Public Storage was costing an arm and a leg. Six years at $500 a month -- you do the math!"

Within minutes of announcing the trade, the Vikings began selling the dusty, moth-ridden garments on the team's website. No word on whether the jerseys will be laundered prior to being shipped.

When asked about the Vikings' motive for the trade, Moss said he could care less. "I'm just happy to get out of New England," explains the Pro Bowl receiver. "Imagine a place with a climate similar to Minnesota, but you gotta play in an outdoor stadium instead of a dome. It was cold, man. Really cold. Who wants to play in those conditions? Also, Coach [Bill] Belichick was a d**k."

The Vikings plan to hold onto Moss until at least 85 percent of the inventory is sold.

Cast Set for Yankees' Postseason Run

After much deliberation, New York Yankees manager Joe Girardi has named his cast for the American League playoffs. Among the stars set for the postseason run are Forest Whitaker as CC Sabathia and Lance Bass as Derek Jeter. Girardi himself will be played by television veteran Tony Danza.

Sabathia is honored to have the Oscar-winning Whitaker take over his role as ace of the Yankees staff, but the big left-hander is a bit concerned with the pop on the Ghost Dog actor's fastball. "I'm currently working with Forest to try to get his fastball up over 55 miles per hour," says Sabathia. "Knowing the actor he is, I'm sure he'll be able hit 90 before our first playoff game."



Jeter, meanwhile, calls Bass a "gifted entertainer" despite the former N*Sync singer's inability to field a routine grounder. "He's putting in the work," says the Yankees captain. "That's all you can ask for at this point." That said, the Yankees shortstop is not thrilled with missing the postseason. "You work hard for 162 games to get to this point, and to have a someone else take over your role in the playoffs is a bit disappointing."



Girardi, however, is very confident in his decision to cast Danza as manager. "Tony Danza knows the game a little better than I do at this point in his career," says Girardi. "I have a little more faith in him than I do myself."



Other castmembers include Jared the Subway Sandwich Guy as Mark Teixeira, Chris Tucker as Robinson Cano and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as Alex Rodriguez. The Yankees' playoff run is set to open Oct. 6.